Thursday, March 10, 2016

When I met my Muse at the River, She shook her head today

So, for those who follow me regularly, and my articles, this may come as a surprise.

For the last month, I have actually been self censoring pretty hard. To the point where I have killed more stories than I can fit on two hands. I have done this because I have been taking a long hard look at myself and my goals.

I don't mind being called an irritant. But I don't do it for the sake of stirring up things. I do it because it is a part of who I am to point out that the emperor has his draws showing, or the queen has her slip out where people can see.

I don't do it to incense rage. I do it to make people think. Because I actually want the people to tuck in their clothes. I write the things I do that matter to me enough to talk about them. I write the things I do in order for the queen to know that no one told her her slip was showing.

The stories are sometimes humorous. Sometimes they are angry. Sometimes they are insightful. And sometimes, yes, they are critical. And a lot of times I am not even mentioning one person or group specifically, but focusing on a problem that is shared by many so that they might see something in themselves. And maybe they will like what they see. Or maybe they will see something they did not like once it was shown.

Here is a secret. I write about my own failings as well. I write about my own arrogance and hurt and ignorance, especially when it is brought to my attention.

But lately, some part of me changed and got distorted. Instead of being fearless, I became fearful. Fearful of saying it like I see it. Hesitant because of the thought of hurting feelings and losing friends. My hand stayed for terror of losing the esteem of peers.

And because of this, my Muse left me. She packed a bag, like the Fool of the Path I follow, and sat in the corner eating Her lunch, waiting for me to catch up with Her. And quirked an eyebrow, Judging me full metal jacket.

"Acquire Courage" is all She said.

So, the stories will be back again soon. The writing will come again. Maybe a little less napalm, but definitely still having those choppers in the background when needed. And definitely more mending than rending.

And oh yes, more cowbell.

1 comment:

  1. I have always enjoyed your candor, creative criticism and thoughtful outlook. Showing our community and it's members in all it's splendor is probably pretty taxing. Polishing our glories, exposing our flaws and imperfections and maintaining and upbeat attitude is a difficult job. I have always enjoyed your ability to express our not so nice side in such a fashion that it does not hurt so bad. Yet, strong enough for us to look in the mirror and question our personal ideology, opinions or actions on any particular subject.
    No one ever wants to hear that their slip has been flapping in the wind for hours as we dance in our beautiful dress, or that we might not be whom we believe ourselves to be. That is the glory of our path and you illuminate it for others as you walk it yourself. This is a great deed.
    I hope you continue to be you, provide us with feedback and insight. And find the strength to endure life as a public pagan leader. We make mistakes, listen and grow together. We even learn to live that which we thought we hated.
    Our great community incredibly diverse and complex. I am proud you are our watchdog with cathulu tentacles and a bull's heart.